One day this week, as I was walking past a classroom, the teacher called me over. After exchanging the usual pleasantries, she says, "You look good man, mi neva realize how beautiful you are." This isn't the first time a teacher has commented on how I look. One teacher has simply stared at me for a few seconds and then said, "You know, you're very pretty." Another teacher calls me "pretty girl Benita" sometimes. Before you start rolling your eyes, this post isn't about how many compliments I get here...although I could go on :)
This post is about the fact that I don't know how to take these compliments. I say thank you and may compliment them if I see something to compliment. But inside I feel weird...slightly unworthy? Especially when I hear from kids that other kids have called me pretty. They call me nice too, but I'm used to being called nice. I am absolutely not used to being called pretty on a regular basis. Back at home, I may get complimented if I'm wearing a new outfit, or if I just got my hair done. But just on a regular day? When I have mud on the bottom of my pants and my shirt is slightly wrinkled? When my hair is pulled back in a ponytail and is looking quite nappy around the edges? I would never get complimented back at home if I was looking the way I was that day or any number of days.
Jamaicans are honest people, at least when it comes to commenting on how someone looks. If you're fat, you will get called fat...or fluffy or my favorite: champion...so empowering. If you're skinny, you'll get called just that, or slimaz or maga (sp?). So when they compliment me, especially the women, I know that they really do think I look pretty. I've had self-esteem issues related to the way I look all my life (and other issues too, but those deserve a post of their own), just like probably every other female. When Americans compliment you, it's not exactly clear if they really mean it or if they're just trying to be nice or polite. In other words, Americans can be sorta fake sometimes (can you sense my general distrust of people?). So when I got a compliment, I never really took it seriously and because of my insecurities, I automatically assumed that there was some other motive behind it. Nonetheless, I don't think I've ever gotten as many compliments as I have while being here in Jamaica. I realize I'm only basing this on my one experience, but I'm gonna throw out a couple of reasons why I think this is so.
First, obviously there is a different standard of politeness when it comes to commenting on someone's looks. The average American would absolutely not call a random person on the street fat to their face. They might say it once they walk away, but most likely never to their face. But even when it comes to giving good compliments, I think Americans tend to keep it to themselves more than Jamaicans. Maybe your experience has been different? For example, women, is it me or do we tend to develop jealous or envious feelings toward a woman who looks better than us and try to find every flaw that we can to make ourselves feel better? (I'm saying "us" for the sake of discussion, but I actually never do that...) Why can't we give credit where it's due? It's like by complimenting someone else, we're decreasing our own value. Or maybe we think our compliment will greatly inflate that person's ego. But let's say that we did compliment each other more, not just friends, but people we don't even know...we may get some crazy looks, but imagine how many people might actually appreciate it. Maybe they'd felt or been hearing their whole life that they weren't attractive enough based on some unrealistic standard...which leads to my next reason...
There is a different standard of beauty between Jamaicans and Americans. Furthermore, I think there's a slight difference between the beauty standards of Black Americans and the rest of Americans. Let's take this comment that I've gotten from a teenager on the street: "Fatty, yuh body nice." In the US, that would be a contradictory statement! You can't have "fat" and "nice" in the same sentence, at least when you're referring to a person. Here in Jamaica, being thick is a good thing. In America, fat is not acceptable. Being anorexicly skinny is unacceptable too, but there definitely is a promotion of an acceptable skinny standard, that a lot females don't match. Now for Black Americans, I would say being fat is generally not viewed as attractive, although I think there are more exceptions than among the rest of Americans. But having a little thickness is definitely a plus. Mostly because it has to be, since a lot of us are naturally thick. Yes, I know a lot of us have some bad eating habits that may lead to our fluffiness, but when you seen a basically skinny girl with a big ole booty and thick thighs, thats not food, thats just nature. So when you have a girl thats thick by nature basing their beauty on a standard that they were never meant to achieve, you can imagine that there will be some issues there.
Another big discussion is skin complexion. It seems like no one is satisfied with their natural color. Some white people wanna be tan. Some black people wanna be lighter. Here in Jamaica, some people even bleach their skin. Yeah, its that serious. But there's a disagreement over whether they simply view lighter as more attractive or whether they want to be lighter in order to have more opportunities. The first option can be just a matter of preference...there's no underlying issue there. The second option presumes that there is still a system in place that sees lighter as being better: more intelligent, more attractive, more sophisticated, just all around a step above the dark ones...this issue deserves a post of its own. In Black America, I don't know of anyone ever bleaching their skin (except Michael Jackson of course, but he had issues), but there are definitely light skin vs. dark skin remnants left over from slavery and civil rights. I remember my mom telling me about how my great-grandma (who was mixed with a little Native American, or American Indian, whichever one is politically correct) would make mean comments about how dark my mom was when she was little. And that was somewhat understandable in that time, based on what was happening. I wasn't there of course, but from what I've been told, lighter black people got off a little easier than darker black people. And if you were light enough to pass for white, you definitely had it better. I'm assuming things were similar in Jamaica. So how does this relate to a standard of beauty? Is it simply that the desire to be lighter for wealth, privilege, and equality has morphed into a general desire to be lighter for beauty, with wealth, advantages, and respect lurking beneath the cover as natural consequences of being light-skinned. Does that even make sense?! Work with me people, I'm attempting to be deep here.
Let's talk about hair. Let's talk about the fact that a large number of Jamaican women is walking around with somebody or something else's hair on their head. Same for Black American women. Now is this simply a matter of hairstyle preference? Or is there a deeper issue that again stems from the past? Some would argue that by putting in fake extensions or perming aka relaxing aka creaming our hair, we're trying to achieve some standard of whiteness that doesn't naturally grow out of our heads. Some say that we're simply trying to blend in better with White America, for advancement's sake (I love this line from Chris Rock's "Good Hair": "If our hair is relaxed......white people are relaxed." Lol. I've actually heard of people not getting hired because of certain natural hairstyles, like afros or locks, so there may be some truth to that. Personally, I relax my hair because it makes it easier to comb through and I like the way it looks. I may try locks later seeing that I'm in the perfect place to get some. But do I have some deep-seated desire to be like-white? I don't think so. Then again, if it's deep-seated, I probably won't be very aware of it. I really don't think so though. As far as hair goes, I say do what you want. But don't be disillusioned and think that a certain hairstyle is gonna take you farther than your natural talents, abilities, and hard work. Your overall looks may take you farther (I'm sure I don't need to support this statement). But not just your hairstyle.
So let's review. First, Jamaicans think I'm pretty. Second, I'm considered pretty here in Jamaica. Third, pretty is a compliment commonly used to describe me here in Jamaica. Fourth, nothing else matters.
For real though, I had no idea where I was going with this post. My confidence has definitely been boosted since being here. I'm slowly learning how to take compliments. I do think that the standards of beauty worldwide would be an interesting discussion. I also believe that it's interesting to discuss what black people worldwide think of our race, not just when it comes to looks, but many other areas as well. You'd be surprised to find out the many different issues we all have in common. I hope to write a future post about that.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
0 comments:
Post a Comment